Oops. Sorry, Lady.

It was a busy Monday yesterday.

Lots of walk-ins, lots of e-scripts... your typical busy Monday. One new lady walks in with a new prescription for some Percocet. She's had knee surgery and it hurts me to see her walk.

"You want to give us 20 minutes?" the lead technician asks. "We have a waiting room over there."

The lady replies, "Yes, I'll go sit down."

We will the prescription. We fill more prescriptions. We keep filling and filling and before you know it, an hour has passed. The technician goes out to show someone where the laxative is located when she notices the lady still waiting in the waiting room.

It had been an hour. This poor lady just waited and waited and waited. The tech tells her the medication is ready and then tells me what has happened.

I grab the finished Rx and head to the register. I'm going to take full blame for what's happened because I'm the true leader of the pharmacy. The lady comes up and says, "Did you guys forget about me?"

"Yes, we did," I told her. I apologized profusely. As it turns out, the lady is not from Snootytown where my Goofmart Pharmacy is located. In fact, she's a sweet lady visiting from Bozeman, Montana. She tells me how her husband had passed away and her daughter said she should come live with her in Snootytown.

And here's the irony of why this happened: Snootytown people don't let you get away with this. They'll let you know they're waiting at least ten minutes before you told them it would be ready.

This lady was so nice and pleasant and forgiving.

Shhhhhh... don't tell anyone... I paid her $5 co-pay. It was the least I could do considering we forgot all about her.

It's nice to know that humanity still exists outside of Snootytown.

Crazy RxMan Calls the Police!

We had been receiving emails and faxes about a particular suspect passing phony prescriptions for several weeks. He was described as aged in his 30s, always wear jeans, a white T-shirt, and a brown corduroy baseball cap.

One hour before closing

And there he was, right in front of me. It was that hat that tipped me off. What a goofball. Change your hat, dude.

Here is the suspect with a prescription for his "mom" for Oxycodone 30mg. She's not in the computer system so I get the information from her "son." He's practiced this several times and does not give a hint or red flag of any kind that anything is out of the ordinary... except he has to pay cash because his mother doesn't have insurance.

I tell the guy it will be ready in 30 minutes. He wanders off. So I go to work. First I call the prescriber's phone number and get the answering service. I explain to them the situation and that I need a call back, PRONTO.

I continue working on other scripts. The suspect walks by. To him it looks like I'm filling prescriptions. Within five minutes the phone rings. What luck! It's the prescriber whose name is on the script and he confirms it is not a real script. 

My heart quickens. I'm going to get this guy. The House of Targaryen will sing songs in praise of my good deed for years to come. I'm shaking.

I can see the suspect, over by the eggs. He's keeping an eye on me from a distance. I know I can't reveal anything that something's up. I'm now in full Meryl Streep mode giving the best performance of my life. I casually slip around a corner where I can't be seen and quickly call the police.

"911 emergency... what is the nature of your emergency?"

"Yes, this is Crazy RxMan with Goofmart Pharmacy. I have someone who is waiting for a prescription for Oxycodone. It is a fake script. I have already verified that it is a forgery with the prescriber."

"Is the suspect in your pharmacy now?" she asks.

"He's in the grocery. I've told him it will be a few minutes and he keeps walking by. This is the same guy we've been getting faxes about for weeks." I describe the man and what he's wearing to the dispatcher.

"We will send by officers in your area."

I go back to filling the prescription. Tick tock, tick tock. The time is clicking down to the time I've promised the fake "son" that his mother's medication will be ready. Where are the police? Where's the dragnet? Where's the cavalry?

The suspect comes up to the window, ten minutes early. "Is it ready yet, he asks?" Now he's looking nervous. I don't know what tipped him off. So much for my Academy Award.

"Not quite, I just need a few more minutes."

He gives me a squinty eye, looks down the aisle in the front of the pharmacy, looks back at me, and says, "I'll be back later then."

He starts leaving. OH NO! We're going to lose him. So what does the Crazy RxMan do? I leave the pharmacy and walk to the front of the store. I'm going to see if I can get his car's license plate number.

I step out of the door and there in front of the grocery is a parked police cruiser. Two officers are standing there in front of the store. I assume they're here for my phone call. I tell them that the "suspect" just left.

"We know. He's in that Toyota over there."

Ok, so what are they waiting for?

"Officer Bert will deal with the suspect. I want to see the fake prescription."

I take the Officer Ernie back to the pharmacy and show him the fake prescription. He's looking at it while I explain what happened. It's only been maybe five minutes when Officer Bert appears at the pharmacy.

"What happened?" I ask.

"He got away. The suspect went north on Blake Avenue toward Liberty Road. I couldn't see which direction he went at the point."

(Blake Avenue ends at Liberty -- the suspect would have had to make a left or right turn)

I'm in complete shock. They let this guy get away. Why? Why did they let him get away? Did I not sound believable? I'm just in shock... and quite frankly, a little mad. It seemed rather ridiculous that they just let him get away. I have nothing but complete respect for law enforcement so I don't express my anger, but this was maddening. MADDENING!

Officer Ernie took the "fake" Rx, gave me a case number, and they prepared to leave.

"Give us a call if the suspect returns."

Slap your leg and Laugh at these Funnies!

This is me...

Upon realizing that my 12 hour shift is TOMORROW!

This is me...

On my way out of the pharmacy

when I have the weekend off...

It's Not All Bad

It's not all bad in retail pharmacy. It's mostly bad, but not all bad. Ok, maybe it's like only 98% bad and 2% good. Or maybe it's just Goofmart Pharmacy and the band of Ferengi I work for. Or maybe it's just my particular district. I'm rambling now.

But it's not all bad.

Just recently I had THREE people, on THREE different occasions, come up to me and PERSONALLY thank me for the medication advice I gave them a few days ago. I don't even recall the specifics. But they felt I gave them excellent counsel and they came back to tell me they appreciated it.

So yeah, it's not all bad.

A few months ago I dispensed an SSRI to a teenager. It was new to the patient and I counseled both the teen and the mom about the medication and talked about Serotonin Syndrome. It's a rare but serious possibility with drugs that affect Serotonin. I've only seen one case of actual Serotonin Syndrome in the past but I always mention it.

My counseling paid off. Later that week the mother called me to thank me because she caught the symptoms early with her teen and the hospital confirmed that he was genuinely affected by the condition and were able to treat him immediately. Because I counseled the mother, the issue was caught early and she thanked me over and over again.

So yeah, it's not all bad. Keep your chin up, fellow pharmacists. The company thugs we work for may mock us for not putting profit above patient safety, but you and I both know what's most important.

Actual Questions People have Asked Me

Apparently when you become a pharmacist, suddenly you know everything about anything, medical or not. We're the next best thing to Google.

Here are just a few of the many oddball questions I've received over the years:

* When will you hear back from my doctor?

* Is this covered on my insurance?

* Do you know if this toothbrush will cure gum disease?

* What do you think this rash looks like?

* What should I take with me on my trip to the Grand Canyon?

* Where are my children? [I have never met the lady or have any idea what her children look like]

* My car is going "thump thump whack, thump thump whack" when I'm going over 30 mph. What's causing that?

* I have an allergy to shellfish. Is it ok if I eat bacon?

* Where is your Viagra? I can't find it out here anywhere.

* Do you have any Viagra samples?

* May I have one tablet of Viagra?

* Why isn't this $4? Aren't all your generics $4?

* I'm thirsty all the time. [Then she just stared at me and never asked a question]

* This medication expired in 2009. It's ok to take it, right?

* Be honest with me. Is it cancer? [This is what Miss Loosey asks about every condition she has]

* What's the price of a postage stamp?

* How many Motrin should I take to stop my allergies?

* Is the ice cream on sale?

* Can't you just give me the Oxycontin now and verify the Rx tomorrow? [asked when I could not reach the doctor on a written Rx that was very suspicious]

* Can I have 23 amber medicine bottles for my science project?

* I have an "itch" down there. [she looks down toward her crotch] You want to see it? [She motions with her eyes toward the pharmacy waiting room]

* So, how hard is it to make meth? [After just purchasing some Sudafed]

* Where do you have your lithium batteries? [After just purchasing some Sudafed]

* Can I borrow your car?

* Could I have a sip of your water?

* Do you have a test that will tell me if I have a boy or girl?

* Is that lady that works in the meat department single?

* How about I pay you half the co-pay in cash and you just pocket it?

* Is it really too early for my narcotics? [she just received a 30 day supply ten days ago]