Vincent the Menace

Vincent is an old dude in his own motorized wheelchair. I call him a menace because I swear he's had this chair souped up with more power. 

That thing really zips around and turns on a dime. Vincent, 84 years old, zooms all around the grocery at super speed, zipping around corners without checking to see if anyone is coming the other direction.

So far, no one's been hurt.

But what's really "fun" about Vincent is that he has a condition which prevents him from speaking clearly. He points and says odd words and just expects you to figure out what he's asking or saying. 

The other day he came in with a new prescription. We filled it, and as he was leaving he asked the technician something in his usual jibberish. We had no idea what he was asking, except that he kept pointing to his genital area and making different motions with his fingers.

There was no interaction with his new medication and his private parts. The med had nothing to do with that part of his body. So we were perplexed and getting nervous because the other thing about Vincent... he loses his temper easily (probably because of his frustration with not being able to communicate what he wants) and we knew that bomb was about to go off.

Finally, I had a brainstorm! With what I think he was saying in jibberish and his pointing, I was certain I had figured it out. I'm extra smart, you know ~ a legend in my own mind.

"You want a bedpan?" I asked.

Vincent's left eye squinted. His lip curled in disgust. "Noooooooooooooo!!!" He flipped the switch on his scooter, it spun wildly to the left, and he zoomed off, knocking over a couple of things on the counter as he left.

Apparently it wasn't a bedpan that he wanted.