No Additives Allowed!

Some people come up to the pharmacy and just stare at the wall of cough/cold selections. Most people come up, see what they want, then grab it and leave. But some are compelled to just stare, like they're in a trance or waiting for one of the packages to talk to them. If I'm busy I just keep what I'm doing and figure if they really need help they'll let me know. But if I'm not busy, I feel compelled to ask them if they need help. That's my downfall. I care too much.

Today a lady is staring. I'm not busy. You know this is going to be good, right? "Hi, do you need some help?" You always have to have an introduction with this company. Hi, hello... something. It's good customer service. They told me so. I had my own business for 15 years, but I need a corporation to tell me how to conduct customer service.

Anyway, she says she needs a cough suppressant without any of those "additives." I'm not sure what she means, so I come out front to look at the selections. I'm deciphering that what she means is that she wants just a cough suppressant, not a multi-symptom formulation. So I show her the cough suppressant selections... but I'm overwhelmed by the stench of alcohol and cigarette smoke and her missing teeth. She's obviously just returned from the local pub and stopped by to get... you know... something for her cough, but it better not have any of those additives.

And then I noticed in her cart not one, not two, but three cases of beer. I'm not a beer person. I don't even drink. But I can tell the difference between top brand and bottom brand beer. In her cart are three cases of what must be the cheapest beer you can buy. This lady, reeking of smoke and beer, obviously on her way to some high class party, is overly concerned that she get a cough suppressant without "additives."

I'm making a new word. It's called Phirony. That's short for Pharmacy-Irony.