New Pharmacy Technology at Issue

AP News: Snootyville

In a startling turn of events, a patient was caught completely off guard when his local pharmacist responded “Yes” when the patient asked at the pharmacy counter, “I left the doctor’s office about a minute ago. They sent over a prescription for me. Is it ready?”

“It’s new tech developed as a result from experiments with the collider at CERN,” local pharmacist Crazy RxMan revealed. “It allows us to manipulate time and space. We’re actually able to fill all prescriptions instantaneously now. Waiting for your prescriptions is no longer an issue at Goofmart Pharmacy.”

Concerned safety groups have lodged complaints at the use of such technology, citing The Mandela Effect. “Manipulating the fabric of space WILL have negative effects,” an advocate stated. “What if we wake up one morning only to realize that Viagra doesn’t exist in our new time line?”

Other Pharmacists have also voiced concerns. “If we’re altering time and filling prescriptions outside of the normal passage of time, we’re actually doing a lot more work than we’re being paid for!” stated a pharmacist who wished to remain anonymous. "I'm not working for free!"

When this concern was directed to APhA, the American pharmacist advocacy group replied, “Most pharmacists are already used to [doing a lot more work] now. The bigger question is how our overlords, the Pharmacy Benefit Managers, will respond to the new technology. Unless they can find a way to profit from it, they’ll make it disappear like so many other enemies of Big Pharma.”