Yo, You Want a Cap in Yo Skull?

Right after I graduated from pharmacy school and started working retail, like many other newbies I would spend countless amounts of time trying to help patients determine which OTC medication was best for their condition.

I'm much wiser now. Whatever you're holding in your hand when you come up to the counter is probably best for you, mostly because YOU think so and you'll just argue with me anyway.

One day in the early days, though, a very "nice" guy comes in with two lovely ladies, one on each arm. He tells me about how he has a "tickle" in his throat and emphasizes with colorful language how he can't afford to get sick because he has some serious business engagements he can't afford to miss.

I ask him questions to ascertain his condition. From my few questions it is highly likely he has a common cold and just needs some bed rest and something to help with the symptoms.

"No, you don't understand," he says. "I need something to cure this thing, NOW."

Once again I try to tell him that there isn't anything we have to "cure" his condition. His body will fight off the illness by itself and he can help his body with rest and fluids.

Mr. Business Man points his fingers at me sideways like he's pointing a gun at me in a "kill shot" gesture. He gets louder, "No, I need the cure, man. Give ME the CURE!"

At this point I become concerned. I'm certain that if I give the same advice again I will be shot dead right there in the store. After all these years of insanity in retail and looking back, maybe that would have been better. But at the time, all I could do was quickly reach for some NyQuil and tell him this will help him feel better.

Besides, he didn't give the secret password.