"I have an EMERGENCY!"

When I'm alone on Saturday that's when the weird stuff happens. Today was no different.

If I don't pack a lunch, I'm forced to forage in the Goofmart Grocery. I try to do this when it seems like it is going to be quiet for at least ten minutes. The problem is that if I venture out and someone appears at the pharmacy, there's this one particular manager who gets on the overhead speaker and belts out, "CRAZY RXMAN TO THE PHARMACY. CUSTOMER WAITING. CRAZY RXMAN TO THE PHARMACY IMMEDIATELY!" He does this even if I've been gone thirty seconds. I think he hides in one of the aisles and watches the pharmacy all day long so he can do this. Here in Snootyville it is unreasonable for anyone to wait, afterall.

So today I had the usual rumbly in my tumbly and sped out to grab something. I have to take it to the front of the store because selling it to myself is against policy. I can get in the cash drawer all day long for other people, but don't you dare run a Visa card to pay for something for yourself. You'll be fired on the spot.

So while I'm at the front of the store I hear the usual "CRAZY RXMAN TO THE PHARMACY. CUSTOMER WAITING. CRAZY RXMAN TO THE PHARMACY IMMEDIATELY!" but before I have time to even pay for my food a lady comes running up to the self checkout. She has a panicked look on her face and yells, "I have an emergency! Where is your pharmacist?"

I'm the only one standing there in a white jacket with the words "Dr. Crazy RxMan" embroidered on my jacket, but I still reply: "I'm the pharmacist." I'm holding a few items in my hand. One items slips out and falls to the floor.

"I have an emergency! My daughter can't breathe! Where is your Primatene Mist!?"

I tell her that it was discontinued awhile ago. She doesn't look like she wants to know why.

"What do I do? My daughter can't breathe?"

So what's with people? Your kid can't breathe and your first idea is to go down to the pharmacy? Really? How about Urgent Care? Or an Emergency Room? Really, people, come on!

I direct her to the Urgent Care on the corner of our building. If it is really an emergency, they can give her an albuterol breathing treatment on site. But before she runs off, she rolls her eyes like I'm the stupid one.

Goofmart PHARMACY ~ THE PLACE to go when you have an emergency!