Use a Fork or Knife

Ring... ring...

"Thank you for calling Goofmart Pharmacy. Sign up to get your flu shot NOW. How may I assist you today?"

"Hey Mickey, this is Frank. How ya doin?" says Frank, one of our retired patients that has nothing to do with his life now that he's retired except go on drinking... uh, FISHING trips with his buddies.

Me: "This is Crazy. Mickey is off every Wednesday."

Frank: "My wife's old man is 91 years old and he just called me for help. He has this hard dry turd that he can't pass no matter how hard he pushes and I'm not going to go over there. No way. I love the guy but I'm drawing the line here."

Me: "Uh, ok. I, uh..."

Frank: "What can I tell him to do? I said maybe you can use a fork or a knife to get it out of there, but what do you think?"

Me: "No. No. No knife. No fork."

And now, the mental image of a 91 year old man trying to use a fork in this manner is giving me nightmares.

I didn't sign up for this.