Tuesday, September 1, 2015

TOP TEN Things You Didn't Know About Your Pharmacist

TOP TEN things you didn't know

about your local #Pharmacist.

10. Monday is our busiest day of the week. If you want faster service, AVOID your pharmacy on Monday.

9. Everything runs smoother and faster if you have your PHARMACY prescription card or information. It doesn't work like your dentist's office or ophthalmologist. And no, we don't mean your medical card either.

8. We've heard every excuse there is on the planet as to why you need your prescription filled early. If we decide to fill your medication early, it's really not because your excuse worked.

7. Lunch time is NOT a time to get your prescription filled in a hurry. Everyone else had the same idea as you... run into the pharmacy during lunch time for a quick fill.

6. We know your daughter is getting birth control because she's sexually active... not to "level out" her hormones.

5. We don't like being pushy about getting your immunizations. It's pressure from The Authorities that keep us asking you, pestering you, calling you, and nagging you.

4. We look miserable because we ARE miserable. We're miserable because our company is always on our rear to increase the numbers but they won't give us any extra help.

3. We rarely get to finish our lunch. In fact, most times we get maybe a bite or two and that's it. Most retail pharmacies don't have a lunch period for the pharmacist. Most pharmacists work at least one 12 to 14 hour day a week too.

2. We used to have a sense of humor. We really did. Then people happened. Whiny, annoying, ungrateful, miserable people who expect the entire world to take care of them.

And the NUMBER ONE secret you didn't know about your local pharmacist is...

1. We don't know everything!

We get every kind of pharmacy question out there. But we also get asked about medical issues, first aid issues, dental issues, grocery issues, the price of ice cream, milk, bananas, and soda pop. People come to us for help on their taxes, mortgage, algebra questions, history questions, government questions. You name it, we've been asked a question about it like our pharmacy name tag immediately makes us an expert on everything. But the problem is, we don't know everything.

Monday, August 31, 2015

An Open Letter to The Authorities

Dear Authorities,

Here at Goofmart Pharmacy we have to endure yet another round of $25 gift card offerings for new business. Just bring in a new prescription or transfer a prescription and we hand over a $25 gift card for the pleasure of filling their prescription. 

I'm not sure who thought of this business model, but he or she is an idiot. There's so few people that actually STAY with our pharmacy after a promotion like this. As I recall from a manager meeting, the actual cost of obtaining a new patient in a promotion like this is over $200 per new account. In other words, you throw out $200 for each new patient that stays with the company and gets his/her prescriptions from US from that point on. Is that actually the figure, or is it really higher than that?

Yes, there's a lot of competition in pharmacy. But the REAL WAY to compete is to provide top notch pharmaceutical services. It makes much more sense to stock the pharmacy with a higher inventory so that we're not constantly sending people away. It makes much more sense to keep adequate staffing on hand so that the pharmacist can engage the patients and keep the business coming back.

Seriously, as a patient... which appeals to YOU more? Are you so desperate you'll take the $25 ONE TIME to get a few groceries, or are you more inclined to stay with a pharmacy where the pharmacist and staff care about you, know about your medications and patient needs, and have the time to discuss your conditions and medications with you? Are you more likely to return to a pharmacy that didn't have your medication the FIRST time you came in or not?

Goofmart Grocery and Goofmart Pharmacy are not ones to ever blaze a new trail with stuff like this. If one of you Authorities will really just think about this logically for a moment you'll figure it out. It's pretty obvious.

Thank you,

Goofmart Pharmacists

Saturday, August 29, 2015


Women are a funny lot, especially MARRIED women. Almost all women, when they’re married, go out of their way to make sure you understand that status. Usually the giant rock on their hand is a big giveaway, but some still want to make sure you know.

Now I’ll be the first to admit that there’s a fine line between just being nice and/or friendly and flirting, but if there is any question about that in a woman’s mind, she’s going to let you know her married status as fast as possible.


Lady picks up prescription

Me: “What is your birth date?”

Lady: “12/7/1972.”

Me, trying to be nice: “Well you look really good for your age.”

Lady: “That’s what my HUSBAND says too!” (emphasis added).

Consequently, any future interaction with this lady will now include flashing the left hand around and/or mentioning the husband in some way.

One time I had to call a lady about a vaginal medication. So when she answered the phone, I verified that it was her and told her who I am, then said:

“I need to ask you a personal question.”

Lady: “Oh… well.... my husband is right here, let me put you on speaker phone.”

So we conducted the discussion within earshot of her husband. Apparently in her relationship, all personal questions are addressed as a couple. Damn, there went my new strategy to hit on women by talking about their vaginal products.

Another lady… and this one I don’t understand at all… she’s about my age, and I admit I was in the habit of flirting with her. After about the third time she was in, she told me that she was married and that she’ll have to have her single sister come in and see me because I’m such a nice guy. There must be 10 million of these “single sisters” out there somewhere, but I’ve yet to actually meet one. So I stopped flirting with the lady. She mentioned the husband and that’s announcing to the world LEAVE ME ALONE. So I did.

Now when she comes in, though… she acts hugely disappointed that I’m not flirting with her anymore. She’ll even try to throw me a line to try and get it out of me:


Lady: “I had my hair done. What do you think?”

Me: “Oh I didn’t notice.”

Lady: <crest fallen>

Friday, August 28, 2015

This is me...

Being a puppet for The Authorities...



Play the song below to make
the kitty come alive with music...

I really miss Hawai'i

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Random Observation: Math is Hard

My patient had been taking L-Thyroxine 50mcg daily for several years. A new Rx for 75mcg gets faxed over to the pharmacy. I fill it. Patient comes in to pick up med. I verify that the dose has been increased. She affirms the dose increase.

Then I did it. I blew her mind. I said, "I see by your profile that you still have many of the 50mcg tablets at home, is that correct?" She affirms that she has several in the bottle. So then, stupid me, I suggest she can use those up by taking 1 & 1/2 tablets of the 50mcg to use them up. She looks baffled. I confirm that she has 50mcg tablets at home. She says yes. I tell her if she was to take one tablet and half of another tablet that would equal 75mcg and she can use up her old medication before she starts in on the new bottle of 75mcg. She looks worried, confused, upset, and sad all at the same time. So I give up and tell her to just throw away the old bottle of 50mcg and start taking the 75mcg. She looks relieved and happy.

Pharmacists: We do the math so you don't have to.