"Where is your [Product X]?" he asked. "We don't carry that anymore." "Yes you do! Where is it?" "We used to carry it. After the remodel, some things were discontinued. We no longer carry that. Maybe you could try [Competitor 1] or [Competitor 2]?" "You had it before! Are you sure you don't have it?!" "No, we don't have it. I promise you I'm not lying about that." "Well come out here and help me find it." Now this is one of those situations where any normal pharmacist would just dismiss the guy, but at Goofmart Pharmacy, we live in fear of negative customer feedback and the consequent beatings that follow, so to humor the guy I step out of the box to "look" for something I already know we don't have. "It used to be over here," the guy says. "Yes, I know. It was right here," I say, pointing to where it used to be. "As I said, we no longer carry it." "Why not?!" "As I said, some slow selling items were discontinued after the remodel." "Well why didn't you tell me that in the first place?" Time to use the Stress Reduction Kit again:
Dude presents with an Rx for an Epi-Pen. He already knows it's going to be expensive on his insurance. Me, being the nice guy that I am... I tell him that there is a current offer ONLINE from Epi-Pen to take some money off the co-pay.
I tell him, "Dude, you have to go ONLINE at HOME to sign up and get the info we need to split bill it. But don't just Google 'Epi-Pen discount' or you'll get some bogus discount thing that will just waste all our time." (I've been down that road too many times with people). What does Dude do? He stands there at the drop off window on his smart phone trying to find the website. While he's looking, the tech and I fill his other two prescriptions. At least 15 minutes pass with him actively engaged on the cell phone trying to find the website. I love smart phones just as much as the next guy, but there's some things that are easier and faster on a regular computer. The tech brings up his medications to check out. We're going with what I told him-- GO HOME and find the coupon info at HOME and leave us ALONE. But no, Dude is going to stand there at the pick up window and clog our flow. I pull up the computer. I type in "Epi-Pen discount Mylan" and there it is. www.epipen.com. First choice. Easy peasy. What's the problem? I tell Dude, "Ok, here it is. You need to go to www.epipen.com. There is a sign up form there you can fill out AT HOME and then come back LATER so we can process the info you get there." What does Dude do? He slightly moves to the side to allow other patrons to get their medications. The next lady looks perturbed so the tech asks Dude to move out of the pick up area entirely. He reluctantly does so. Dude continues on his cell phone for another 15 minutes and finally says, "I have the info." He then hands his bacteria-laden phone to the tech to put in the info. Despite all our efforts to get this Dude to go away and come back later, that was just out of the question. What is the gem of wisdom for today? It's a two-fer! 1. Don't offer to help people! 2. These miserable manufacturer coupons are a REAL pain in the ass!
At my Goofmart Pharmacy location we compound a special formulation for a lady named Hope. The doc calls it "GI Elixir Number 1." In order to compound GI Elixir Number 1, we need the following ingredients: Donnatal Lidocaine Viscous Solution Maalox For some reason, the doctor decided to send a recent e-Script for each part separately, including the various ingredients of Donnatal. One of those ingredients is Atropine Sulfate. I don't know if the doctor was just drinking or hallucinating, but somehow he expected Hope to hope that she could measure out 0.0065ml of Atropine for each dose... in the way he wrote it. What a nightmare. Doc, get a grip, ok? This is exactly the kind of stuff that drives us pharmacists to the brink of insanity.
Magic Mike is an immigrant. He's here from another country, and for some reason our country gives people who immigrate here special treatment. Mike is on state-funded Medicaid and gets all his medications FREE (to him). And he's on a bunch of them, all taxpayer-funded. You, me, and our children all pay for this. That's ok. I'm sure that someone smarter than all of us have decided Magic Mike really needs us to pay for these medications. I don't know... someone might ask why WE have to pay for all these medications when Magic Mike constantly makes visits to his home country (on the other side of the globe, I might add) but somehow can't pay for his own medication. But not me! I don't ask those questions anymore because people think I'm picking on Medicaid patients. Oh it's a valid question, but not me, I won't ask it. Magic Mike has an American girlfriend. She pays for her medications because she is not on Medicaid and has a job. Oh, did I mention that Magic Mike doesn't have a job? Why doesn't he get a job? Because he's not "well enough" (his words) to get a job. Oh, he's well enough to travel but not well enough to get a job. But who knows all the details there anyway. One day Magic Mike had to come in and pay for his girlfriend's medications... and that's when he started in on ME. Oh he waxed eloquent on how he never had to pay for medication in his socialist country and how it's just awful that his sweet ailing girlfriend has to pay for her medication here in this heartless pharmacy. Oh, Mr. RxMan, can't YOU do something to help Magic Mike's girlfiend? I told him there wasn't anything I could really do... And then he cut me off and started ranting and raving on how we're taking advantage of his girlfriend (despite the fact that I told him her insurance sets the co-pay,. not us) and how we should be ashamed of ourselves and how this would never happen in his home country... blah blah blah. I told him again... there's really nothing I could do about it.
Magic Mike stared at me for about 30 seconds, pulled out a gold American Express card, paid for her meds, and left. <sigh>
Ring... ring... ring... "Thank YOU for calling Goofmart Pharmacy... this is Crazy RxMan... how may I help YOU today?" "This is Zany XanaxMan. I was told to call you about my getting my Xanax transferred there from your other store by my parents house." I look on the computer. It was transferred to store 4934 which is five miles west of us. I tell XanaxMan that he can pick up up there since it was transferred there. He's good with that and from what I then understand, on his way to get it. Ring... ring... ring... "Thank YOU for calling Goofmart Pharmacy... this is Crazy RxMan... how may I help YOU today?" "This is Goofmart 8745. I made a boo-boo. I transferred Zany XanaxMan's Rx to store 4934 when in fact he wanted to get it at your store." Ok, so I call 4934 to get it straightened out since the patient is on his way. We'll just say it was only transferred ONCE between 8745 and my store to avoid the transfer issues. Besides, it's all Goofmart Pharmacy anyway, one could argue. So I have the med read to pick up... Ring... ring... ring... "Thank YOU for calling Goofmart Pharmacy... this is Crazy RxMan... how may I help YOU today?" "Hi, this is store 4934. The patient was here, I explained it all to him and he's on his way to you." Thirty minutes pass. Zany RxMan doesn't show up. It's almost time to close, so taking the advice of @LazyRxMan I close two minutes early and leave for the day. I haven't seen a warm body in over 45 minutes. Goofmart can dock me for the two minutes. The next day... Ring... ring... ring... "Thank YOU for calling Goofmart Pharmacy... this is Crazy RxMan... how may I help YOU today?" "This is Goofmart 8745 again. Why did you send Zany RxMan BACK to me?" I didn't. I tell her to draw the boy a map and send him to me. Twenty minutes later he shows up. After talking to him a good ten minutes, I still have no idea why he needed to transfer the med to begin with, or why he called us, or why 4934 sent him back to 8745. The only thing I really know is that I need a Xanax now.