Monday, October 15, 2018

Stick a Fork in Me, I'm Done

So this lady brings in her two twin boys for flu shots. Why me? Because they’re busy at the two competitors close by and she doesn’t want to wait until tomorrow because she says her boys are mentally “all prepped.”

First we have the usual insurance “twin” problem. I get mom and one kid processed. It’s 6pm now and the last tech has to go. We know corporate will have an absolute cow if he clocks out past eight hours, so I send him off know that I'm in for it.

So I prepare three syringes with a silent prayer in my heart.

Mom wants to do her shot first to show the boys it’s no big deal. They’re like monkeys at the zoo with feces flying everywhere. Grandma is watching one jumping on a chair in the waiting room. The other refuses to watch and slams the door to the flu shot room shut. So much for all that "mental preparation."

I do her flu shot. Then she grabs the first kid. He won’t hold still or list to reason and she has a hard time holding him down. He made a big deal out of nothing and then forced out tears just to be a brat. 

Then they get the brother who sees his twin crying and he starts throwing a screaming fit. And of course he’s wearing a long sleeve shirt. Honestly, why do people not understand that this is a barrier to getting a flu shot?

Twin two is screaming and blubbering and whining like a total brat. Finally I grab his arm to do it. Then the little brat tries to bite me. Yes, he tried to bite me. His mother held his mouth with one hand and his torso with the other.

Somehow I get the flu shot administered. 

It didn’t bleed but he’s screaming so loud I have to yell to explain he doesn’t need a band aid. Then grandma yells back at me, "Give him a damn band aid!" So I put one on his arm. You'd think maybe he'd calm down? No. He starts screaming louder

I'm seriously done with the flu shot crap.



Tuesday, October 9, 2018

Miss Loosey Needed More Plan B

Another round of Plan B for Miss Loosey, my local celebrity-wannabe that came rushing into the pharmacy the other night.

"Put it on my insurance," she said. 

Side note: Do we really have to call Medicaid plans "insurance" anymore? The word insurance implies that it's something a person pays for to keep from having larger costs later. Medicaid is free to those who have it. I really detest calling it "insurance." I pay for my insurance. Medicaid patients are hosted by the Taxpayers.

"Do you have a prescription for it?" I ask, already knowing the answer.

"No. Can't you prescribe it to me?"

"Not in this state," I said. I really have no idea if pharmacists can prescribe it anywhere else, but I'm sure that's coming some day.

"Healthcare is a RIGHT," she lectures me. "I shouldn't have to pay for this."

"Healthcare is a commodity," I reply, knowing full well she has no idea what I just said. Life, liberty, the Pursuit of Happiness, and Healthcare? One of these things is not like the others... the Sesame Street song starts rolling in my head.

Miss Loosey pays for the Plan B and asks me to open the package for her. She intends to take it right there right now. I tell her she can just take it at home. The extra time won't matter that much.

"You know I can't take this home. My husband would see."

I open the package. She quickly swallows the tablet.

"By the way, condoms are on aisle five, in case you wanted to get some on your way out."

She rolls her eyes. "Ha ha ha," she says, sarcastically.

Monday, October 8, 2018

More Reasons to Love your Local Pharmacist

My eagle eye quickly caught this error and prevented this prescription for 900 tablets getting filled:


Just like Pedro in Napoleon Dynamite knows how many nipples a normal cow should have, I'm damn smart too. I quickly remembered that most women have merely ONE vagina and filled this prescription with that knowledge:


On this prescription, I stopped the filling process right away. Imitrex doesn't go in the ear! There's no way that would help! I contacted the prescriber immediately to question this prescription:




Thank your local pharmacist. We prevent hard-to-catch errors like these and much, much more!