Monday, July 8, 2013

He's Going to "Lawyer Up"

Mario Dublin was a brief patient of ours. We have filled a total of eight prescriptions for him over the course of the past few months. He's short, rotund, and has a Chicago-style Mario Brothers mustache. If you want a real human to play the part of Mario from the video game, this is the guy.

Last month on the 15th, Mario Dublin presents with a prescription for a 14 day treatment of Cephalexin. We fill, counsel, and send him on his merry way.

SEVEN days later, Mario returns with a NEW prescription from the SAME doctor for the SAME 14 day treatment of Cephalexin. We're not surprised. Docs do stuff like this all the time. Maybe they're extending his treatment or he lost his meds. I don't know. The tech tries to process the prescription on Mario's primary insurance. Of course, it comes back too soon. The tech tries to process it on Mario's secondary insurance. This insurance wants a prior authorization.

So the tech tries to explain this to Mario who has just been standing at the PICK UP window waiting and creating a line of people behind him, one of which is a thin, mousy lady waiting for her antibiotic. Mario gets angry. "But I have TWO insurances" he says. The tech tries to explain about the prior authorization. "But the DOCTOR prescribed it! Why does it need a prior authorization if he prescribed it?!" Then Mario, in a loud voice, proclaims to the world, "I NEVER HAVE ANY TROUBLE WHEN THE OTHER GUY IS HERE. I ONLY HAVE TROUBLE WHEN YOU TWO ARE HERE." I'm not sure why he would say this. He never had any trouble before.

At this point I step in. I bring the printed rejects from the computer and I attempt to explain WHAT too soon means and WHY his first insurance won't pay for the medication. I then try to explain what a prior authorization means and how it doesn't have anything to do with his doctor. Mario refuses to listen, cuts me off, and starts swearing... LOUDLY. I can see the mousy lady waiting in line literally shaking because she's become scared at what is happening.

Mario continues swearing and waving his arms around like he's trying to land a Jumbo Jet. At this point I grab the hard copies of the prescriptions and hand them back to Mario. He asks what's going on and I tell him that we're not going to fill anything for him and that he needs to leave. Mario starts swearing again and I get on the overhead speaker and call for a Sub Commander to come to the pharmacy immediately. Mario sees my plea for help and leaves... you can hear him swearing all the way down the aisle.

I document everything that happened in Mario's computer file.

Thirty days later my manager Mickey tells me that our regional manager had an unusual phone call from a disgruntled customer. I told Mickey exactly what happened and referred him to the computer file. Mickey says the regional manager fielded the complaint and wasn't sure what to do because Mario told her he "needs something to happen" or otherwise he is going to "Lawyer Up."

So I assume this means that Mario plans to sue the company for receiving what he thinks is bad customer service? I didn't even know you could sue a company for that. And apparently swearing like a pirate is ok, scaring the hell out of other customers is ok, but you damn well better fill a prescription even though we can't get reimbursed for it because it's too soon?

I can't wait to see how this one ends, except I'm sure it involves a free gift card for Mario.


Proserpina said...

I mustache you a question: is a Chicago-style mustache a thing? Because the Mario Bros. were New Yorkers, and I honestly know nothing about mustache fashion.

When Mario got angry, did he start flashing brilliant multicolors and threatening to step on the heads of other customers?

Or maybe he hopped into a go-cart and crapped out a banana peel?

When he exited the pharmacy, did he shimmy magically down the nearest drain pipe?

You should have told Mario that you'd have liked to have helped him, but his prescription was in another castle.

Okay. I'll stop.

Anonymous said...

Hatred confirmed. Why why why.

How will we stop this behavior? You are my hero for the day for sending the cartoon on his way. Wonder what happened at the next pharmacy he went to?