One morning I'm trying to process the day's automatic refill when a 62 year old lady calls to ask me to fill her Ambien. I tell her it's way too early. She just filled it 16 days ago.
"But I'm going out of town tomorrow," she says.
Ahhhh, the very words that have circled the globe as pure magic in getting an early refill.
“How long will you be gone?” I ask.
“About a week,” she says, caught off guard.
I do a quick calculation in my head. “You should have plenty until you get back.”
“I don’t know how long I’ll be gone,” she spits back.
She thinks she has me now. Checkmate. Give me my damn Ambien.
I tell her that I’ll need permission from her doctor. “Just have him call me to ok it,” I said.
Stunned, she says ok and hangs up. But not to be easily defeated, she calls back one minute later.
“My doctor only works on Monday. He won’t be able to return your call before I leave,” she quips.
“When you get to your destination, have a local pharmacy call me to transfer the prescription,” I retort.
She says ok and hangs up. Another minute passes and she calls again. “I don’t want to bother with all that. When’s the soonest I can fill it? I’ll pay cash.”
I tell her the 26th. She says ok and hangs up.
Two minutes pass. She calls again. “I’ll be gone by the 26th. Can you push that back to the 23rd?”
So much for leaving “tomorrow.”
“Sure. I’ll call the doctor and ask permission to fill it early,” I say, quizzaciously seeing what she's going to say this time.
“Oh no, don’t do that. The 26th will be fine.”
WHILE I’m on the phone with this nut, a lady that can CLEARLY see I’m on the phone starts waving at me. Again, she can see I’m on the phone but in Snootyville manners are for other people. I put my hand over the mouthpiece and she asks where we have the Dramamine.
“Aisle seven on the left,” I yell out.
Another minute passes and while I’m still on the phone with Ambien lady the Dramamine lady walks by and belts out, “Thanks for nothing. You’re an ass!” and storms off.
I still have no idea what I did wrong.
I call the physician’s office. Oddly, the physician is actually there working on a day other than Monday and tells me NO EARLY REFILLS for Ambien lady.
Ambien Lady: 0
Dramamine Lady: Penalty Box