Last week a guy comes in with an Oxycodone script. 30mg. #180. Sure, why not? There's not an opioid crisis or anything. Oh, wait, PMP says he just got #180 only 21 days ago. Nope, too early.
"I'm going out of town. The doctor knows. She said it's ok. She put that it was ok on the script."
That's not written on the script. I start laughing.
"Why are you laughing at me? My pain is not a laughing matter."
I'm laughing because people that want their narcotics filled early are always going out of town. It's quite amazing, really. Imagine the odds. I'm laughing again just thinking about it.
I lie. I tell him I'm not laughing at him, but rather that I'm laughing because MDs always say they're going to do something and then don't.
"Well she said to just call the office."
So if she supposedly wrote it on the script, WHY did she tell him to have me call the office? I want to laugh again, but I keep it buried this time.
I call the office. I talk to an assistant. I explain that I need to talk to the doctor. He's quite belligerent. What's the deal with these pain management clinics? Getting lots of calls these days? Hmmm... I wonder why.
"She's busy right now. She has a lot of patients."
Thanks. Duh, really? No, I thought maybe after seeing the guy waiting at my counter that she'd be done for the day.
"That's ok. She can call me back. I need to talk to her or I will not fill the script."
Later in the day she finally calls. I tell her the situation with it being nine days early.
"Oh, but it's ok. He's going out of town. Didn't I write that it's ok on the script?"
"No. And you know what, there are pharmacies out of town. There's really no reason he has to get this early..."
She cuts me off: "Well, it's ok. He's going out of town."
And people wonder why we have an opioid crisis? Maybe this is part of the problem.
So I fill the script. The guy comes back to get it and sees that it's NOT the Mallinckrodt generic he's used to getting.
"Uh, I don't want it. I'll talk to the doctor."
And this, folks, is exactly WHY I am crazy.