"You need to smell this," she said.
She is "Foil Hat" lady. That's what the techs call her now ever since THIS happened. We were calling her Iron Maiden for awhile because of a run in we had with her over some iron supplements for her father (See THIS and THAT). But after a few other incidents with her, Foil Hat Lady seems to stick.
Foil Hat Lady has her arm stretched out, trying to hand me an empty bottle of Valium. This is one of our very select, special patients that must have brand Valium and must have it in the original container. But today's she's upset because the bottle of Valium "smells funny."
I take a big whiff. The tech takes a big whiff. Neither of us can detect anything out of the ordinary, and I'm the kind of guy that knows when a baby needs a diaper change at the other end of the grocery. We both tell her that we can't smell anything unusual.
Foil Hat Lady rolls her eyes. "It's FUNNY," she says, then starts looking at me like I'm going to do something about it now that she's pronounced judgment. I really wanted to make a joke out of it, like saying that she smells funny but I don't hold it against her... but I'd get fired for that.
I also thought about asking her if the bottle of Valium is telling jokes now. It seems reasonable... take enough Valium and it starts telling you jokes. Heck, it might even have that listed on Up-to-Date as a side effect.
"Well, I can't smell anything unusual," I reply. I'm really curious at this point what she expects me to do since she's consumed an entire 100-count bottle of Valium and is only now concerned about the smell. So I'm silent.
"I guess I should call the manufacturer..." she says, finally.
Inside I breath a sigh of relief. This is quickly turning into someone else's problem and I'm elated. The circus is leaving town and I didn't have to deal with the monkey, the bull is in another pasture, Elvis has left the building... well you get the idea.