Thursday, October 30, 2014

Why Your Pharmacist has No Sense of Humor

I'm at the half way point. Almost all the fun has left my body. There's still a little fun left, but after a few more patient interactions and dealings with The Authorities it will be extinct like New Formula Coke. I know it is coming. I have prepared a personal living will for my insanely funny personality. I have advance directives.

You see this a lot with older pharmacists. The light of life is gone from their eyes. The spit and vinegar is just gone. Why, you ask? Where oh where did the life go? There's not one patient interaction or one single mandate from management that causes it. It's year after year of little chicken peckings, over and over, that wear a man or woman down to the nub they are now.

Recently one of our regulars asked for a flu and pneumonia shots. The tech ran claims and had her sign a consent and release form. But she was still unsure if she wanted to get the vaccinations. I don't know why. Some people are just weird about vaccinations. So I anticipated her question for the pharmacist:

"What side effects will I experience with these shots?"

If you don't know me be now, read a few more blog posts. I look for just about any opportunity to poke fun at anything anyone says at any time. The lady that asked the question has dealt with my strange sense of humor before, but today was different.

My response, delivered as dead pan as possible:

"Sudden, immediate, excruciatingly painful death."

The tech chuckled.

He eyes widened and she gasped, then belted out, "That's NOT funny."

"Yes it is. Everyone I've ever said that to before always laughs," I said. The tech nodded in approval.

"It is NOT funny," she said, laughing nervously for some reason now.

At this point I'm tempted to say some story about how we as pharmacists have absolutely no idea what the side effects are for the shots we give... but I thought better of it and told her what to expect. She seemed satisfied.

I gave her the shots and she went on her merry way. But part of my sense of humor suffered a nasty blow today. After years of this I see how I will end up looking like all the mean, old, grumpy pharmacists you see today.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Flu Shot Observations

People will see me, the pharmacist, alone in the pharmacy, running around like a crazy man with people in line at both the drop off and pick up windows, yet will still ask, "Is now a good time to get a flu shot?"

People either WANT to watch me give them the shot with an unusually weird enjoyment, or turn their head and/or cover their eyes trying to pretend it is not happening. There doesn't seem to be a third type.

Grandparents, at the request of the new parents, run down to the pharmacy to get a flu shot so they can be allowed to hold the new baby. The 10-14 days to "kick in" is not a message that anyone seems to get.

Just by the way I phrase how I say it, I can usually get the flu shot patron to agree to get the shot in their left arm (which is easier for me because of how I have the room set up). It is mind control extraordinaire.

Most (almost all) people that are aware of our discount coupon for getting a flu shot act like they only get a flu shot so they can get the coupon.

Most (almost all) people who are getting a flu shot as a healthy measure are unaware they will get a coupon (despite all the signage and advertising).

At least three people come in toward the end of the year (every year) and claim they lost their coupon for getting a flu shot and expect me to just hand them another one.

Almost 33% of our flu shot patrons do not get any prescriptions at our pharmacy but admit to getting prescriptions somewhere else on a regular basis. Why they choose to come to our pharmacy is a mystery to me.

Many of our regulars wait until they have paid for a new prescription then belt out, "Oh, can I get a flu shot now?"

I purposefully do not promote FluMist simply because the drug rep for the product was such an annoying ass last year. That's what you get, butthead.

When I give a flu shot to a little old lady with old weathered skin, the skin "pops" like poking through rice paper when I puncture it. Ewwww.

No matter how many times you tell the flu shot patron that they only need to answer questions 1-8 on the consent and release form, almost half will still answer all the questions.

People who are reluctant to get a flu shot often tell me they know for a fact that the flu shot gave them the flu before. No manner of explaining seems to change their mind.

Way too many parents do not force their kids to get a flu shot because the child is scared of needles. Instead they get a flu shot and have the child watch to see how easy and painless it is. This never seems to work.

Hitting the bone with the tip of the needle in a skinny arm is freaky. Freaky, I tell you.

Some 10 year old girls are a lot braver than 15 year old boys. I had one 15 year old boy cry. I'm still stunned.

No matter how many times our script count goes up during this time of year, The Authorities never seem to get it that they need to hire more technicians to cover this time period.

I can never get a glove to fit right. It's very annoying and I look stupid every time.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

What do People Think is Happening?

What is it that goes through people's minds as they're waiting to drop off a new prescription? 

A guy we call "Dim Fart" waited in line 10 minutes as I received new prescriptions from several patients. Once he made it to the front of the line, he handed me a new prescription.

"I'll be back in 5 minutes," he said.

"That's good. I'll try to have it ready in 30 minutes," I replied.

When you see people ahead of you at the pharmacy give a prescription to the pharmacist, what exactly goes through your head? What is it that makes you think once you get to the front of the line you'll suddenly be the only one waiting for a prescription?

I'm so confused by this nonsense. It happens again and again. Really?

Monday, October 27, 2014

Karma Gets you Eventually

Decades ago the Crazy RxMan was a little boy.

One day I was at the grocery store with my mom. It was actually a Goofmart Grocery in our humble little college town. I loved to go shopping with my mom because I usually ended up with a box of Circus Animals cookies. It was fun for a little kid because the box had a string attached and you could carry it like a little suitcase. (Although it never seemed to stay attached very long).

This particular visit is burned in my memory, however. We were checking out the groceries when an idea popped into my head. It occurred to me that any of the impulse items available at the checkout would fit into my pocket and therefore would not have to be paid for. Among them was a Chapstick. So I put it in my pocket...

I was proud of my pirate booty, and by the time we had the groceries packed into the car, I had pulled out the Chapstick and was proudly showing it to my mother. "Look what I got and I didn't have to pay for it" or something like that, I said.

The Criminal
Mom pulled me up out of the car seat by my shirt collar and marched me right back into the Goofmart. She asked to see a manager and explained my crime. In my mind, I was certain I was going to be arrested and sent to jail. I honestly thought I was going to jail. Soon I would be wearing striped pajamas and have my ankle shackled to a iron ball. I was now a criminal.

As it turned out, I was let off with a warning. But Karma comes to get you sooner or later. I am now paying for my crime, every stinking day... for I now work for Goofmart Pharmacy, owned by Goofmart Grocery. 

Karma will get you. Be warned.