Saturday, April 18, 2015

I'm "Epic"

Apparently taking up two parking spaces (although at the far end of the parking lot) didn't sit well with some dude who left me this nice note on my car. Imagine finding this on your car after a long twelve hour shift.

At least I'm "Epic."

Friday, April 17, 2015

Protecting Patriotic Privacy

Two new patients want a flu shot. 

It is a nice grandma and her daughter. Grandma is 86 years old. Her daughter is 66 years old. This is a Norman Rockwell moment. Mother and daughter... both elderly, coming down to see the Crazy RxMan to get their yearly flu shots... it's just so sweet I'm getting diabetes just thinking about it...

I do grandma first without incident... except for the regular rice-paper popping thing. Many of you other pharmacists and nurses might agree that little old ladies have skin like rice paper that actually "pops" when you poke in the needle. It freaks me out every time. Then the arm is usually so thin that you hit the bone. The patient doesn't feel it, but you do. That also freaks me out every time. I'm used this this now, so it's less freaky. But I'm about to be really freaked out...

So grandma gets her shot, then her daughter comes in the special flu shot room. Every time I do a shot now I think about how many damn shots we're going to have to give for years just to break even on this new room. But that's another story. Anyway, the daughter is wearing a long sleeve shirt. ANOTHER ONE! WHY, for heaven's sake, do you people wear LONG SLEEVES when you know you're going out for a flu shot?! Why? It's not even cold outside!

The sleeve won't come up. It's just too tight. The daughter says she'll have to take her shirt down over her arm so I can get to a meaty spot. She tells me to close the door, and of course I'm thinking she wants to protect her privacy and there's certainly nothing wrong with that. If I had to take my pants down I'd want the door closed too.

So I sit back down and she unbuttons and pulls down her blouse over her arm... and there it was. Bright colors of Red, White, and Blue in American flags and the most spectacular American Eagle tat you've ever seen... all over both arms and from I could see at my angle her back too. It was obviously new with the bright colors and quite surprising on a 66 year old lady. And it was so patriotic! I was shocked. Seeing my reaction, the lady says to me... "That's why I wanted you to close the door... I don't want my mother to see my tattoos."

I found this picture online to give you an idea of what I saw... only this tat doesn't do justice to what was on this little old lady.

God bless America!

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Calculating Technician Hours

My company uses the latest mathematical models to forecast technician needs and appropriately distribute hours based on advanced NASA super computer algorithms and state of the art Logistics. As such, our technician needs are always met and smooth operation is the norm at my pharmacy chain.

Yeah, right. 

The people in charge of this (who likely have never actually stepped into a pharmacy on Monday morning) look at the last "period" and see how many scripts you've done. Depending on the total number of scripts and that's it (not taking into account the number of times the phone rang, what the script count has been at the same time period last year, or any other valuable data that's been collected). So time and time again we head into one period without regard to what is ahead. The biggest fiasco is August always getting reduced tech hours. The script count is always down at the end of July and we GET NAILED every year.

Thanks, Corporate!

Monday, April 13, 2015

Probability 101

If the patient is a continuous user of controlled substances, there is a much greater probability that this same patient will "accidentally" leave their controlled substance in their hotel room when they go on vacation and need an emergency refill when they return.

This has happened too many times to be a coincidence.  Amazing, huh?

Saturday, April 11, 2015

Yes, I AM more important

I'm alone in the pharmacy, running back and forth trying to keep up with the pick-ups and drop-offs on this busy Saturday. At our competitor, they do the same number of prescriptions we do and they get three times as many tech hours, but I chose to go with this company. I'm so smart. So on Saturdays the pharmacist is the lone gunman.

I have people patiently waiting in the waiting room to the side of the pharmacy. The wait time is up to 30 minutes because of all the drop-offs. I'm doing my best to keep up but the phone won't stop ringing and it slows me down. An elderly lady rolls up to the counter with script in hand. She's either handicapped and can't walk or just likes to ride around in comfort. (Too many people do it for comfort, by the way, keeping people who really need the store-provided electric cart from having it).

She hands me the Rx. Gabapentin 100mg. Quantity 180. Great. I love counting the big ones. We stock the big bottle so I'm going to have to count it the hard way. I tell her it will be 35 minutes. She looks at me and says "Oh no, I can't wait that long." I tell her, "I'm sorry but I have a lot of people ahead of you." I gesture to the waiting room where she can see three people patiently waiting. "I'll work as fast as I can but they were here before you."  She gets angry... "I need this medicine NOW, and I'm NOT GOING TO WAIT." I can't take the attitude, so I asked her, "Would you like me to tell these people that you're more important?" She defiantly says, "Yes!"

Without missing a beat, I walked two steps over to the waiting room window, raised my voice, and said, "Folks, your wait will be a little longer. This lady here says she is more important than you." All three of the waiters looked at the lady with startled looks.

Ms. Can't Wait rolled away, then returned in 35 minutes. Her Rx was ready.

Friday, April 10, 2015


I have a patient that insists she MUST have brand Percocet quantity 120 which cost her $477, but she didn't want to pay $134 for her husband's Levitra.

Poor guy.

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Neosporin Emergency

I'm counseling a patient on her new blood pressure medication. Another lady yells at me from the aisle, "Where's the Neosporin?!"

What's wrong with people? I mean, REALLY?!

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Let's go! Hurry!

One of our regular patients, a nice lady who refuses to use the automated call in line or the internet to put in her Rx numbers but instead insists on giving them to me over the phone is here picking up her prescriptions. If she would use her debit card, we could have her out of the pharmacy in one minute. Instead, she always wants to write a check. Jeez people, that's so LAST century. Anyway, she's writing a check and is just about to tear it off the pad when her husband rushes up next to her. He'd been using the free blood pressure monitor in the store and was apparently extremely happy with his recent results.

"My Bp is low! Let's go have sexxxxxxxx!"

His wife tears off the check, grabs the bag of meds, and they rush out the door. Whoosh!

The tech and I laughed for an hour...

Monday, April 6, 2015

I love dentists!

They take care of our teeth. We want to chomp on food and they keep our chompers going. Unfortunately, most didn't get a lot of pharmacology and it shows when they prescribe.

Note the Rx picture... It reads Doxycycline 500mg by mouth twice daily for 20 days. At this strength would not only cause horrible diarrhea, it might even kill the patient.