Why Pharmacists NEED Xanax

Ring... ring... ring...

"Thank YOU for calling Goofmart Pharmacy... this is Crazy RxMan... how may I help YOU today?"

"This is Zany XanaxMan. I was told to call you about my getting my Xanax transferred there from your other store by my parents house."

I look on the computer. It was transferred to store 4934 which is five miles west of us. I tell XanaxMan that he can pick up up there since it was transferred there. He's good with that and from what I then understand, on his way to get it.

Ring... ring... ring...

"Thank YOU for calling Goofmart Pharmacy... this is Crazy RxMan... how may I help YOU today?"

"This is Goofmart 8745. I made a boo-boo. I transferred  Zany XanaxMan's Rx to store 4934 when in fact he wanted to get it at your store."

Ok, so I call 4934 to get it straightened out since the patient is on his way. We'll just say it was only transferred ONCE between 8745 and my store to avoid the transfer issues. Besides, it's all Goofmart Pharmacy anyway, one could argue. So I have the med read to pick up...

Ring... ring... ring...

"Thank YOU for calling Goofmart Pharmacy... this is Crazy RxMan... how may I help YOU today?"

"Hi, this is store 4934. The patient was here, I explained it all to him and he's on his way to you."

Thirty minutes pass. Zany RxMan doesn't show up. It's almost time to close, so taking the advice of @LazyRxMan I close two minutes early and leave for the day. I haven't seen a warm body in over 45 minutes. Goofmart can dock me for the two minutes.

The next day... Ring... ring... ring...

"Thank YOU for calling Goofmart Pharmacy... this is Crazy RxMan... how may I help YOU today?"

"This is Goofmart 8745 again. Why did you send Zany RxMan BACK to me?"

I didn't. I tell her to draw the boy a map and send him to me. Twenty minutes later he shows up. After talking to him a good ten minutes, I still have no idea why he needed to transfer the med to begin with, or why he called us, or why 4934 sent him back to 8745. 

The only thing I really know is that I need a Xanax now.

Computer Upgrades at Goofmart!

The new computer system is here! 

The Authorities say they don't quite have the funds to get us the computer upgrades we really need, so they had to scale back a bit:

The Devil Inside

He had it figured out. He'll come to the pharmacy at 12:45 pm... during the lunch hour. No one goes to the pharmacy during lunch hour, especially on MONDAY. The place will be empty and get can get his script filled lickety split.

He hands me two prescriptions for amphetamines, one immediate release and one extended release. I type them in carefully before telling him how long it will be before we can get them filled. That's what we do.

I get paid claims and tell him it will be 15 minutes. I'm really doing him a favor because we're stinking busy and there's other scripts to fill... scripts for people who were before him.

"Fifteen minutes? I have to be to work at 1:15 pm. Can't YOU step it up?"

I have to admit something to you, fellow pharmacists and technicians. I have this thing about me. I'm going to be honest with you. I have a demon inside me. And when the demon gets pissed off, I can't stop him. He takes over my mouth and words come out. I can't truly be held responsible for the things this demon makes me say. I have worked hard to keep this demon inside and there are times when I am able to settle him down, but then there's other times... well I just can't stop him.

"Really? Really??! I have people ahead of you who are waiting a lot longer than 15 minutes. I'm doing you a favor considering these are controlled substances and require special handling and extra paper work!"

That is what the demon said, loudly I might add. At least that's the way I remember it. Mr. "Step-it-up" slinked away. I don't if "slinked" is a word, but that's what he did. He slinked.

I have since heard of people under extreme duress speaking in strange tongues. And in the past I have become conscious that a steady torrent of obscenities and swearing of all kinds was pouring out of me as I screamed... you know, because of the demon, but not this time. It was close, but not this time. 

(Apologies to Jean Shepherd ~ the demon made me type this).

Mr. Step-it-up came back in 15 minutes, collected his medication, and slinked away again. The demon is gone now... waiting for when I need him again.  

Vaccines...

The truth is finally exposed!

Just Didn't Get It

A lady approaches the PICK UP window, yapping away on her cell phone. The technician on duty and myself hear everything. We're now forced participants in her cell phone conversation...

"Oh yeah, he's got to just I go. I told him he needs to go, nobody's going to stop him. Yeah, that's right, he should just go, right? Oh, ha ha ha... I'm at the pharmacy and there's a sign that says 'Please end your cell phone conversation before approaching the pharmacy window.' Yeah, I know, right? Ha ha ha. No, I told him he should just go. What's that, you think his mom should tell him too? Sure, she should tell him. Oh, no I wouldn't call his dad though..."

The lady keeps talking on her cell phone, all the while looking at the technician. He's not going to do a thing until she gets off that phone and I'm behind him 100%. She keeps yapping and staring. I continue working on something incredibly important...probably saving another life like waiting on hold with Medicaid to get insurance info for a patient that just can't seem to find his card... you know, something like that. 

Now I'm not kidding, the lady keeps yapping for at least another five minutes. She's so engrossed in her conversation that she has failed to see that we're purposely ignoring her until she gets off the phone. Another person gets in line and the tech asks cell phone lady to step aside while he helps the guy waiting. She does, yapping away, including everyone around her in her quest to get who knows who to go who knows where. 

The tech checks out the guy. Another minute passes. Cell phone lady FINALLY ends her conversation and asks for her prescription, THEN asks... "What was the hold up? Why did it take so long??!"

Whoooooosh!

A July Jubilee of Laughter

Your secret letter for the week: T

Repetition is the Key to Brainwashing!

First, let's have conference calls!

You see, sending out emails with corporate directives isn't enough. Sending out a "fax blast" isn't enough. Having a website portal with announcements where you have to "sign off" on that you've read it isn't enough. No, let's go a step further and make the pharmacists come in an hour early and dial into the conference center and listen to things we already read about in the emails, fax blasts, and website announcements.

Now, let's have MEETINGS! Now we need to make the pharmacists drive, bus, or fly down to the corporate offices every four months to discuss all the things we discussed in emails, fax blasts, and conference calls. Attendance is mandatory and you don't get paid to be there. Arrange your schedules around the meeting and reduce your overlap time over the next two weeks to cover the time you spent at corporate.

And be sure you're dressed up like a pharmacist at the meeting. No, you're not going to be in contact with patients at the meeting, but you need to look the part. When we're all dressed up in our "uniforms" that helps us comprehend the directives from corporate. Hail Hydra!