Friday, April 5, 2013

Pharmacy, the Musical

Stevie WishNicks dresses like she wants to be Stevie Nicks. And she gets quantity 30 of Brand Percocet every month. She doesn't mind paying the $497 co-pay every month. She's convinced that she needs brand. Pharmacists see this all the time and quite honestly, we just laugh. It's your money, and if you want to blow it on Brand, go right ahead.

I have other patients that insist that they have brand. I've written about Mr. D-A-W. Mrs. WishNicks isn't quite as obnoxious, but she's getting there. I have other brand-only patients and I've determined the common denominator is that they all have an attitude that they're better than everyone else and because of that they should have "better" medication, and "better" service.

The attitude of being better came clear during the Flupocalypse in January. After the media pronounced the flu season peak and told everyone to go get a flu shot (we've only been giving them since August, 2012), the line at my pharmacy stretched around the corner. I was so busy giving flu shots that we were unable to keep up with the regular pharmacy patrons. Most people were understanding. "I'll be back tomorrow" was the answer we wanted to hear and actually heard a few times. I rushed the people with antibiotics or people who couldn't wait and were nice about it.

Then Mrs. WishNicks walked in. She saw the line of people at the DROP OFF window and the PICK UP window. The line was ten deep at both ends. And I've got more waiting in our waiting room. It was packed and I was doing my best to keep up. Now you would think Mrs. WishNicks would get in line and wait her turn or she would decide to come back later. No, there she is, reaching up over the glass to hand me the prescription for her Brand Percocet while I'm in the middle of the pharmacy. I take the prescription and tell her it's "going to be awhile" because I'm giving flu shots. She asks me how long like I have some innate ability to calculate an exact time.  I'm still in Jedi training, so I don't, but I need her to let me get back to the flu shots, so I tell her "at least an hour."

Fifteen minutes later... 15 MINUTES... that's 900 seconds... or about five flu shots later (remember I had ten in line at the drop off, ten in line to pay for their flu shot, and at least ten people waiting to get a flu shot) Mrs. WishNicks is back... not at the pick up window (because there is people waiting there) but at the middle of the pharmacy again, staring at me through the glass. I look up. What does she belt out?

"Is it done yet?"


Maybe it was the long line. Maybe it was Mrs. WishNicks' lacey outfit. All I know is that I felt a song coming on... and I started to sing...


Everyone one looked
as she walked away
Just a little patience would have been just fine
Said no, she had to wait again and again
But she handed me her script then she ran

No one knows how I feel
What I say unless you stay in line
One man walked away from me
He didn't get a flu shot
cause he didn't want to wait for me

(Stand back, stand back)
In the middle of my pharmacy waiting room
She did not want to wait, so I said
It's alright, it's alright
To be standing in a line
(Standing in a line)
To be standing in a line
I would cry

La, la, la-la, la, la, laaa, la-la
La, laaaa
La, la, la-la, laaaaa

Do not turn away my friend
Like a willow I can bend
No one takes the blame
But the flu shots are insane

So I walked on down away from you
Maybe her attention was more
Than she could do
But that woman could not wait
She asked me for Brand Percocet
And that was all

(Stand back, stand back)
In the middle of my pharmacy waiting room
I could not deal with you
It's alright, it's alright
To be standing in a line
(Standing in a line)
To be standing in a line
I would cry

La, la, la-la, la, la, laaa, la-la
La, laaaa
La, la, la-la, la, la, laaaaa
Too few, too few

So I walked, walked down the line
Away from you
Maybe your attention was more
Than I could do
So I filled your Percocet
Well, you asked me to fill it now
That was all

(Stand back, stand back)
In the middle of my pharmacy waiting room
I did not get patience from you
It's alright, it's alright
To be standing in a line, 
other people think it is fine
To be standing in a line
I could cry
She needs a little Percocet
Well, she demands Brand Percocet
Well, I need her to be standing in
(Stand back)
Well, I need her to be standing in
(Stand back)
Well, I need her to be standing in
(Stand back)
Take your Rx home
Take your damn Rx home
(Stand back)
Don't you dare give her a generic
Because she needs BRAND Percocet
(Stand back)...







3 comments:

boilerrph87 said...

That's the kind of patient that the more she screams about doing her Rx over anyone else ahead of her, (and there is no urgent reason to ie: vomiting, recent outpatient surgery), the further down the wait pile it goes. I told a patient one time if he got permission from each and every one ahead of him in line that his could be done before theirs, I would move him up, otherwise I didn't care if he was a city councilman. He could wait like everyone else. Well that shut him up good. OR maybe I happen to be out of her BRAND Percocet for the next few days.

Kelly said...

I think you rewarded her bad behavior by taking her prescription instead of telling her to go wait in line like everyone else.

Crazy RxMan said...

Absolutely, Kelly.

It's a trade-off between that and dealing with a snotty customer that will end up complaining to The Authorities which would turn around and demand to know why I didn't do everything I could to keep her happy.