The Insanity of Monday Morning

at any given pharmacy:

Robots Filling Prescriptions

Why You Try to Kill Me, Doc?

3:00pm

Three prescriptions presented, all from Dr. Fango. We can never read Dr. Fango's writing. Some doctors have bad handwriting. This guy has NO handwriting. It's just gibberish. 

3:10pm

Tech calls office.

"Thank you for calling the office of Dr. Fango. If this is a life-threatening emergency, please hang up and dial 9-1-1. Our office hours are Monday thru Friday 9am to 12:30pm and 1:30pm to 4pm. For our address and fax number, please press one. For our billing department, please press two. To speak to one of our staff, please press zero or stay on the line."

Tech presses ZERO.

"Thank you for calling the office of Dr. Fango. If this is a life-threatening emergency, please hang up and dial 9-1-1. Our office hours are Monday thru Friday 9am to 12:30pm and 1:30pm to 4pm. For our address and fax number, please press one. For our billing department, please press two. To speak to one of our staff, please press zero or stay on the line."

Tech stays on line...

"Thank you for calling the office of Dr. Fango. If this is a life-threatening emergency, please hang up and dial 9-1-1. Our office hours are Monday thru Friday 9am to 12:30pm and 1:30pm to 4pm. For our address and fax number, please press one. For our billing department, please press two. To speak to one of our staff, please press zero or stay on the line."

Tech presses ZERO

"Thank you for calling the office of Dr. Fango. If this is a life-threatening emergency, please hang up and dial 9-1-1. Our office hours are Monday thru Friday 9am to 12:30pm and 1:30pm to 4pm. For our address and fax number, please press one. For our billing department, please press two. To speak to one of our staff, please press zero or stay on the line."

Tech hangs up.

3:20pm ~ I still can't read the script. 

I call the office.

"Thank you for calling the office of Dr. Fango. If this is a life-threatening emergency, please hang up and dial 9-1-1. Our office hours are Monday thru Friday 9am to 12:30pm and 1:30pm to 4pm. For our address and fax number, please press one. For our billing department, please press two. To speak to one of our staff, please press zero or stay on the line."

I press ZERO

"Thank you for calling the office of Dr. Fango. If this is a life-threatening emergency, please hang up and dial 9-1-1. Our office hours are Monday thru Friday 9am to 12:30pm and 1:30pm to 4pm. For our address and fax number, please press one. For our billing department, please press two. To speak to one of our staff, please press zero or stay on the line."

I wait on the line...

"Thank you for calling the office of Dr. Fango. If this is a life-threatening emergency, please hang up and dial 9-1-1. Our office hours are Monday thru Friday 9am to 12:30pm and 1:30pm to 4pm. For our address and fax number, please press one. For our billing department, please press two. To speak to one of our staff, please press zero or stay on the line."

I hang up.

4:10pm ~ I still can't read the script. Maybe there's something I missed on the phone message, so I call again.

"Thank you for calling the office of Dr. Fango. If this is a life-threatening emergency, please hang up and dial 9-1-1. THE OFFICE IS NOW CLOSED. Our office hours are Monday thru Friday 9am to 12:30pm and 1:30pm to 4pm. Please call back during normal business hours."

I don't get disconnected, so I wait, thinking maybe I'll get the answering service...

"Thank you for calling the office of Dr. Fango. If this is a life-threatening emergency, please hang up and dial 9-1-1. THE OFFICE IS NOW CLOSED. Our office hours are Monday thru Friday 9am to 12:30pm and 1:30pm to 4pm. Please call back during normal business hours."

"Insane frustration" doesn't even begin to cover it.

A Rock and a Hard Place

Ok, so I'm your pharmacist. We're your pharmacy. We know all about your medication profile and a little bit about you. We probably know what you do for a living and your other family members. 

But that doesn't work the other way.

We have a patient, Michael, that just doesn't stop with the personal questions of me and the other pharmacy staff. Here's some gems he's asked lately...

To one tech, not married, with a 7-year-old son... "So, does your baby daddy give you money to raise your son?"

To the pharmacy manager... "Where do you live? How much is your home worth?" and "Do you take Viagra?"

To another tech... "I see you have a tattoo. Do you have other tattoos you can't show me?" 

To me, "How old are you?" and "Do you have high blood pressure?" and "Do you take Viagra?"

None of these questions asked to any of us are any of his business. But here's the rock and the hard place: You can't just tell a guy like this off without repercussions at Goofmart Pharmacy. The company is so overly concerned about not offending any customers that slapping this guy down (even as gently as possible) could generate negative feedback. The Authorities could care less what the topic would be... they would only care that a complaint was made.

So for now we endure the interrogation with various methods of avoidance. Every time he approaches the pharmacy everyone scrambles to find something "really important" to do because no one wants to help him. And yet I feel like one of these days he's going to ask something way to personal and I'm going to lose my temper and...

FREE GIFT CARD CITY

Really, Doc? Really?

It was a normal busy pharmacy day. Lots of sick people dropping off prescriptions, phone ringing, etc.

A quick glance at the computer at one point:

"You have 4 new e-Scripts waiting in queue."

So I process them. Two of them were for OTC Zyrtec and Claritin. That's not unusual. We get prescribers send over scripts for these two medications for people on Medicaid because depending on the plan, sometimes they pay for them. Usually we don't see two of them, but allergies have been really horrible this year so I process them and the techs fill the scripts. His insurance doesn't cover them but they're not expensive for cash.

Later in the day the allergy dude shows up for the scripts. I'm checking him out when he stops me. He doesn't want the generic Zyrtec or Claritin. I ask him why. He says that the doctor sent them electronically to REMIND HIM to pick up those medications in the store.

What?!?

Yes, you read that correctly. The doctor used the e-Script system to send over two prescriptions which we consequently processed and filled NOT so the patient would get them from the pharmacy, but rather just as a "reminder" for the patient to get those medications. We spent time and money for nothing so the doctor could use the system as a reminder service.

Unbelievable. Just jaw-dropping unbelievable.

Vincent the Menace

Vincent is an old dude in his own motorized wheelchair. I call him a menace because I swear he's had this chair souped up with more power. 

That thing really zips around and turns on a dime. Vincent, 84 years old, zooms all around the grocery at super speed, zipping around corners without checking to see if anyone is coming the other direction.

So far, no one's been hurt.

But what's really "fun" about Vincent is that he has a condition which prevents him from speaking clearly. He points and says odd words and just expects you to figure out what he's asking or saying. 

The other day he came in with a new prescription. We filled it, and as he was leaving he asked the technician something in his usual jibberish. We had no idea what he was asking, except that he kept pointing to his genital area and making different motions with his fingers.

There was no interaction with his new medication and his private parts. The med had nothing to do with that part of his body. So we were perplexed and getting nervous because the other thing about Vincent... he loses his temper easily (probably because of his frustration with not being able to communicate what he wants) and we knew that bomb was about to go off.

Finally, I had a brainstorm! With what I think he was saying in jibberish and his pointing, I was certain I had figured it out. I'm extra smart, you know ~ a legend in my own mind.

"You want a bedpan?" I asked.

Vincent's left eye squinted. His lip curled in disgust. "Noooooooooooooo!!!" He flipped the switch on his scooter, it spun wildly to the left, and he zoomed off, knocking over a couple of things on the counter as he left.

Apparently it wasn't a bedpan that he wanted.

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