Monday, May 6, 2013

It was Created by a School Teacher!

Yep, that's what she said to me. I didn't go seeking a fight. She started it. She asked me where we keep the Airborn. I told her. She couldn't find it. She came back. So I left the "box" to go show her. There it was, right next to the OTHER vitamins and right where I told her it would be.

"Oh, this is great stuff," she says. "Every time I feel a little sick, I take this and I don't get sick. It was invented by a school teacher, you know."

"That's what I heard," I replied. I kept my poker face on. I'm not in the mood for a fight.

"My doctor told me about this stuff. Sure enough, he was right."

I kept a straight face, but inside my eyes are rolling like mad. Maybe she sensed I was not on board with the whole miracle of Airborn, but whatever it was she started picking a fight with me.

"Don't you believe my doctor?" she asked.

"Maybe it works for you," I replied, "but it's only vitamins and minerals and a few herbals thrown in. I honestly don't think that's going to cure a cold, and suggesting that it does is irresponsible."

"YOU'RE WRONG! You're bought off like the rest of the drug industry! Don't you know IT WAS CREATED BY A SCHOOL TEACHER!?"

She's acting like that's her ultimate trump card. She smiles. She's defeated me. I am there, on the floor, bloodied, wounded, half dead. She's about to walk away when I said, "Plumbers are great with pipes, but I'm not going to have one design a heart valve for me."

<Humphfttt!> The lady trots off.

And just so you know, a $30 million dollar settlement said:

“There is no credible evidence that Airborne products, taken as directed, will reduce the severity or duration of colds, or provide any tangible benefit for people who are exposed to germs in crowded places,” said Lydia Parnes, Director of the FTC’s Bureau of Consumer Protection. See LINK.

But what would you expect them to say? I'm sure they're "bought off" just like me.


C said...

And the double blind clinical trials? Wait, it doesn't have any? Hummm

was1 said...

speaking of a lack of science, her 'doctor' might have been a chiropractor. i have back pain. "you need an adjustment". i have headaches. "you need an adjustment". i have allergies. "you need an adjustment". i have cancer. "you need an adjustment". the cure is the same regardless of the ailment. no logic, no science. nothing against faith but it doesnt belong in medicine.

Vincent Meyer, MD said...

Large settlement - but probably figured in as a cost of doing business. I'm sure that what they're kicking didn't leave them destitute - they now own Pine Brother's Cough Drops:

Gee, she's smiling all the way to the bank, and signs the message "CEO Pine Brothers. Former owner-creator Airborne Formula"

Good job FTC. Oh.. and there's a reason Smiling Bob is smiling, and it's not because his "male enhancement pill" works so well.

Anonymous said...

I used to have the same argument with my SO.

Finally, we compromised: if all he really wanted was some Vitamin C, I'd buy OJ. That way, I can enjoy it too and he gets to feel healthy!