Wednesday, May 7, 2014

How to Get Rid of Teenagers

Three teenage boys come into Goofmart Grocery, grabbing a rubber ball from the bin at the front of the store on the way in.

<bounce> <bounce> <bounce> All through the store... <bounce <bounce> <bounce>

Management doesn't want to do anything about it. They don't like engaging the public in situations like this for fear of reprisal. We're one big happy customer service company, remember?

The boys step it up a notch. They're not causing enough mischief so they start tossing the ball around like they're on a football field.

Eventually, it hits a display and products crash to the floor.

I pick up the phone and announce on the overhead speaker, "Security to aisle eight. Security to aisle eight IMMEDIATELY!"

<Whoosh> You've never seen a place clear out faster. They dispersed in three different directions at lightening speed, the ball still bouncing by itself, left behind by three panicked teenagers.

A few minutes later one of the managers comes up to my window.

"Thanks for getting rid of those boys. We didn't know what to do."

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