Tuesday, November 15, 2016

The Goofmart Positioning System

Yesterday I found a use for the Snootyville Taxi Twins!

That's what I call them. It's a couple of kids that go shopping with mom almost every day. And every day mom tries her darndest to keep them quiet. But the twins will have nothing to do with it. They ride in one of our grocery carts that's made to look like a little taxi cab. Oh the sight of it is just like the cutest thing you've ever seen, but then they'll do it...

If you're anywhere in front of them, they'll belt out "HONK HONK" and mom will then ask them, as millennial-politely as possible, "Hush now," and they'll move on.

When I was little, you were lucky if you got to ride in the regular grocery cart, and if I dared try something like Taxi Twins, a good slap was all I would get to shut me up. But this isn't yesteryear anymore. Today is the day of "Hush now."

But since mom is completely ineffective with the Taxi Twins, I've turned into a useful "GPS" for the store -- a Goofmart Positioning System. Their beacon of "HONK HONK" can be heard all over the store at any time. So when a patron asks for the toothpicks, I can say, "It's over there in that left-wardly direction, not far from the last HONK HONK you heard." Or if they ask where we keep the frozen peas, I can say "just a few steps this direction from that last HONK HONK." But the best is if someone asks for the restroom. I just say "follow the HONK HONKs" because I know mom will soon be stopping by Starbucks at the front of the store (and right next to the restroom) to get her pumpkin spice latte just before her and the twins head to check out!


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