The Authorities Run Out of Ideas

A recent memo from corporate states:

"We encourage our pharmacists to come up with new and exciting ways to drive future business with Goofmart Pharmacy. Your suggestions will be reviewed for merit and implemented if plausible. We look forward to hearing from you!"

So let me get this right... you're a large corporation with hundreds of stores nationwide, numerous bean counters, managers, sub-managers, a complete advertising department, all on the company dole, but YOU need US to tell you how to "drive" more business into the pharmacy?

Really?

What a load of buffoons.

Ok, how about I sit down and draft up some ideas and carefully type them up and submit them for your review?

OH WAIT, I already did that about six years ago. The RPM came by to discuss my proposals (in about 10 minutes). With half of them I was told "Goofmart just isn't going to do that" and the other half, "Our new software upgrade will address that."

The software upgrade never happened. The other ideas never went past the RPM.

Yeah, you bet I'm going to waste time doing that again.

Speaking of Relativity

This is how much time slows down when I'm on shift:

Time is Relative

Einstein was correct. Time is relative to the observer.

Yesterday Stevie Wishnicks was back again, this time for her husband. She hands me two prescriptions and says, "So... five to ten minutes?"

"I'm working on a couple ahead of you. Give me fifteen minutes," I reply.

"That's great. I can count time," was her odd reply.

I get to work finishing up the people ahead of her. I'm working fast because I know she can't "count time" worth a darn. I figure I have eight minutes before she returns.

Nope. She was back in five minutes. Five minutes isn't fifteen minutes. I honestly think some people live in another dimension or are affected in some way which prevents them from correctly assessing the passage of time.

I did some calculations and crunched some numbers. Below are my notes and research, followed with my results of this investigation:

My conclusion is that Stevie Wishnicks is harboring a singularity (black hole) within her mass, or she's just simply a pushy bitch.

Shocking Defiance of The Code

Do you keep the #Pharmacist code? Remember the blog post I made awhile back talking about The Pharmacist Code?

Recently I was out of town for a few days, so we had a floater filling in for me. Normally floaters are hard working and keep to the code.

But not one guy.

I was told that one of the days I was gone my pharmacy partner came in mid day to take over the rest of the shift. It was the middle of the afternoon. Over 100 prescriptions had been processed with labels printed. They were stacked up on the counter almost two inches thick. NOT ONE prescription had been filled. NOT ONE. I wasn't there, but apparently no excuse was offered as to what was going on. The technician (also a floater) couldn't explain the situation either, saying "I was busy with the order."

My pharmacy partner is a patient man and God protects the foolish. 

If it had been me, there would have been fisticuffs and blood. Bad form! Bad pharmacist! Shame on you!

Six is the Magic Number

So this guy with an accent comes into the pharmacy and asks me to sell him a Lidoderm patch. 

I tell him in the United States you need a prescription. 

Undeterred, he takes the tactic to keep asking me. Apparently in his country if you keep asking for something you eventually get it. 

I'm not kidding. I told him FIVE times that here in THIS country you need a prescription. 

Finally he gave up, which is too bad. If he had only reached the magic number of six I would have had to relent. 

Why Your Pharmacist is Bald

It's the evening... when all the weirdest crap always happens...

Ring ring ring

"Goofmart Pharmacy, this is Crazy RxMan, how may I help you?"

"Yes, sonny, my name is Doug. I'm out here staying at the Snootyville Hotel and dog gone it I forgot my medication. It's back home in [state next door]."

"Well I'm sure we can help..." I start to say when I'm interrupted...

"What I need you to do, sonny, is give me one tablet of Inderal 20mg and one tablet of Warfarin 6mg until I get my doctor to call in a new prescription in the morning for a week supply. I'll be by in about 15 minutes, ok, sonny?"

"Uh... no. I'm going to need to verify the medication with your pharmacy at home or your doctor before I can just hand out medication. What's the name of your pharmacy at home?" I ask.

"Listen sonny, I've done this before. The other pharmacy didn't have any problem giving me a tablet for the night. My pharmacy is closed anyway, and my doctor's office is closed too."

"I'm not comfortable just giving out medication at the word of the patient. I mean no offense to you, but you've just told me you've forgotten your medication, and you've actually said that you've forgotten it twice in the past. How am I to know with any certainty that you have the medication and strength correct?" I tell him, as politely as possible.

Doug, clearly getting impatient now, retorts, "Look sonny, NOT giving me my medication CAN cause me harm. Giving me one tablet of these medications WOULD NOT harm me." Doug thinks he's got me on logic.

"I couldn't disagree more, Doug." I retorted. "If any of what you've told me about your medication is incorrect it could have devastating effects."

"Oh come on!" he spit back at me. "How could that be true?"

"Doug, I could sit here for an hour trying to explain to you the effects of Warfarin, but I'd rather try to spend the time trying to get a hold of your doctor and verifying your medications and dosage."

Doug reluctantly gives me his doctor's phone number. I call and get the answering service. I explain the situation, they put me hold to call the doctor, then return a few minutes later to tell me it can wait until the morning and to call the office then.

I call Doug and explain the situation to him. I tell him that if the doctor doesn't think it is a critical situation that can't be handled in the morning. Doug accepts defeat and agrees to come by the pharmacy in the morning.

The next morning I call the office. Doug was completely WRONG on the doses. The Warfarin was 3mg, not 6mg. The Inderal was 10mg, not 20mg. I get new scripts and get them ready for Doug.

Doug shows up. I tell him, without any hint of "I told you so" attitude that he had the dosages incorrect. Doug looked me right in the eye and replied....

"So what?"

You will Laugh Soon in June