Thursday, April 20, 2017

New Terminology for Pharmacy Patrons

I'm floating at another Goofmart Pharmacy today. In British terms that makes me a "Locum." Brits seem to have fancy words for everything. A few years ago I learned on Storage Wars Texas that $500 is a "Monkey" and $1,000 is a "Bag of Sand." 

I think we should make up some new terms here in "the colonies" for money too. We could use the word "WePay" to indicate a Medicaid co-pay because they didn't pay... we do (or did). 

"How much is that co-pay, Joe?" 

"Oh, it's a WePay." 

And why stop with money? We can also have new terms for every day things at the pharmacy:

People who can't call in their medication ahead of time using the automated system should be known as a "Techno Dunce" since they are incapable of using technology. Sometimes I think these people think if they actually used the phone to type in their Rx number they would somehow be turning over control of their lives to SkyNet. 

And in case you haven't noticed, most of these people refuse to give the Rx number to a technician... they have to talk to a pharmacist to do it. I think these folks should be called "a Techno Asshat."

Pharmacists and technicians who can't take the extra ten seconds to "X" a newly-opened bottle of medication should be known as "R-rated." (If they were "X-rated," they'd X the damn bottle, right?)

"Hey Joe, this bottle is open, but is it a full count? There's no 'X' on it."

"Oh, an R-rated Locum did that."

People who can't slide their own club card or put in their club card number at the register should be known as "Diapered." Obviously they can't take care of themselves in any way... someone must change their diapers too.

People who can't seem to put down their damn cell phone to complete a transaction at the pharmacy should be known as "Cell-u-ears." The cell phone never leaves their ear, so why not? 

Finally, people who use a bluetooth and talk while doing a transaction and although you think you're talking to them you're actually not should just be known as "Assholes."

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