Thursday, August 21, 2014

The "Swoop and Buy"

You can see what they're up to out there. They're hovering at some miscellaneous item. Oh, they won't stand directly in front of the prophylactics display. No, they stay away from that area. Then when the coast is clear, they swoop in, grab a pack, and head to the pharmacy register.

I'm talking about MEN, the masculine gender, the ones with the extra plumbing. Women don't behave in this manner. After years of having to buy feminine products, they don't bat an eye checking out a box of condoms and a tube of KY jelly. But men, they're different. They have these things called penises and somehow it makes them think that no one knows what those penises are for. So they have to be stealthy about buying a pack of condoms. 

MEN are also extremely careful about who they're buying condoms from. If there is a female technician or pharmacist, NO, they need to hover until a male technician or pharmacist is at the register AND no one else is around the condoms so they can do the swoop and buy.

Oh, we have self-checkout registers at the front of the store. They're machines. They don't judge. But no, there's too much of a chance that something will go wrong and a female employee will have to come over and have to fix it. Buying it from the regular check out line? Hell no! Even if it was a male clerk doing the checking, there's sure to be females in line and we MEN don't want any women around who might think we actually use those penises.

I could write more on this topic, but there's a male out in front of the pharmacy right now. He's getting ready to do a swoop and buy. So I have to go MAN the register.


Cian Duffy said...

My local supermarket has security tagged the condoms (and lubricants, I think) due to it being a student town and a higher than average rate of shoplifting.

So this creates an odd case of people floating towards the self checkouts, dropping the condom box on top of the nearest display, and buying everything else if the de-tagging assistant is a woman. Interesting local variant of the swoop anyway.

Don said...

Haha. Very amusing. Still, it's a good thing, and we all need to promote good health, so help the guy out.

It'll save you from having to deal with his offspring later!