Saturday, June 11, 2016

The Problem Might Actually be in the Brain

"I need a pill, man, ya know, for my kidney," he stated.

Let's call him Memorial Man, for he showed up during the few hours we were open on Memorial Day. Or rather let's say "staggered up," as he was clearly tipsy with the fruit juice of the devil.

"Are you having trouble urinating?" I asked.

"No man, I need to PROTECT my kidney, man, so I can drink more."

"Oh, you want something for your liver?"

"Yeah. I need to protect my liver."

"So you can drink more alcohol?"

"Yeah. I read about it Men's Health magazine."

"Maybe you could drink less alcohol?"

"Oh, man, I knew you we're going to say that."

I sent him over to the vitamin aisle so he could find something for his kidney, liver, maybe perhaps his brain. I will always remember Memorial Man, the inebriated dude with kidney/liver protection as number one in his mind.


Zed said...

Once came a across a patient who never took paracetamol because he was worried it might affect his liver, but was happy to drink the home-made vodka his friend concocted in his shed.

Anonymous said...

Me: ... busy tooling away at Rx's and whatnot...

Retail Jackass: *barges up to the counter, cutting in front of a few people in line* "Yo..."

Me: ... continues to work...

RJ: "Hey you!...... HEY! Can you hear ME? You speak English yo?"

Me: "Pardon me sir, did you have a question?"

RJ: "Um, yeah, I wants to know if 'dis here works." *hands over random homeopathic garbage*

Me: "You have any specific thing you're trying to treat?"

RJ: ".... umm, younowWhaUhmSayin, um, yeah, I needs to know if 'dis will lets me beat a piss test tomorrow yo, fo' reals yo."

Me: "Sir, there's nothing over the counter that will allow you to beat a urine drug screen"

RJ: "... maaaannn, you racist dawg. I needs to talk to yo boss man. youknowwhatI'msayin? NOW!" (mind you, the guy is dressed in khakis and a button down shirt and is white as snow. and yes, I am a minority)

Me: ........

Kind Elderly Bystander: "You get your punkass out of here you worthless piece of crap! Go on! Git!"

RJ: "yo dawg, you can't talks to me like dat, youknowWuI'mSayin?"

KEB: "Shut your trap and stop wasting the pharmacist's time! He gave you an answer and it wasn't the least bit racist."

RJ skulks away mumbling

Me: "Did that just happen?"

KEB: "Young man, I work retail too. It was nice to be able to say what I always want to say since I'm a customer. Here's my name in contact information in case slim shady calls your boss."

*meanwhile, supertech is laughing his balls off while the other customers in line are golf clapping*

Me: "Holy crap, that was awesome."