Monday, June 24, 2013

Common Clichés Modified for Pharmacy

"Just be yourself" = JUST BE THE PHARMACIST IN CHARGE. Yeah, don't fill that script for Oxy 30 #180 after 5pm when your gut says NO.

"This too shall pass" = THIS 12 or 14 HOUR SHIFT WILL END, eventually. Hell yeah, it's a long day... but after your knees and feet have had more than enough, it will end. Then you'll go home, pass out, and start all over again in the morning.

"When in doubt, throw it out" = NOT sure of the expiration date? No problem. Throw it away. Let corporate sort it out later.

"Life's a bitch" and so are some of your female patients. But then there's a few that make it all worth while.

"Separate the men from the boys" -- see "This too shall pass" above.

"Open your heart" = Try not to think all Oxy 30 #180 scripts after 5pm are fake. Yeah, it ain't easy.

"If the shoe fits, buy it." Whoa! Hold on there, Cowboy! There's a lot more to it when you're going to be standing up for 8 to 14 hours. You need to consider more than whether it fits or not!

"Make out like a bandit" = This simply means you went through your pharmacy day without getting screamed at by someone on Medicaid (there I go again, picking on Medicaid people). 

"A leopard can't change its spots" but people change insurance all the time. No matter how many times you hear the words "Nope, same insurance I've always had" when you get a rejected claim, stay tough in asking for their new card.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder" -- No, what it does is brings people to the pharmacy asking for us to fill their prescriptions on the fly... and usually that's during the dinner hour on Monday.

"Show me the money" -- Actually, we'd prefer you show us a valid prescription.

"Fake it till you make it" -- Well, we all know a pharmacist or two who missed out on the opportunity to get a PharmD. They usually counsel "take this with food" for everything. They'll retire eventually. Until then, enjoy the fact that they know what Banesin is...

"Save the drama for your mama" Complaining, whining, making excuses for early refill. We've heard them all!

"You are what you eat" --- Really? That mean's I'm comprised entirely of SINGLE bites of various sandwiches.

"Everything in moderation" -- except for Vicodin or Oxy 30. In that case, TWO is always better than ONE. Just ask all your narc patients.

"Love many, trust few, but always paddle your own canoe" --  or in other words, CHECK EVERY PRESCRIPTION no matter how much you trust the technician!

"Money is the root of all evil" -- Ahem! That's why Goofmart Pharmacy is PURE EVIL! Money is the only driving force behind the absolutely STUPID decisions from management at my company. Probably yours too.

"Money makes the world go round" AND pays for a lot of unnecessary projects, software enhancements, flu shot and Shingles advertising, gift cards for transfers... it goes on and on, BUT apparently doesn't cover things like NEEDED TECH HOURS!

"Time is money" --- That explains it then... TECHS require HOURS!

"A fool and his money are easily parted" --- or rather, a CORPORATION and THEIR GREED for all SHINGLES SHOTS and the corporation's money are easily and QUICKLY parted...

"Another day, another dollar" -- but 30 less scripts per week means you lose 25% of your tech hours.

"Love is blind" -- Just ask the Levaquin Lady...

"All's fair in love and war" BUT insurance rules the world.

"Unlucky in cards, lucky in love" -- more like UNLUCKY with your INSURANCE CARD means you're SCREWED...

"Misery loves company" -- this is why preceptors don't tell pharmacy interns the TRUTH. We want you to suffer with us!

"You only hurt the one you love" -- Naw... there's a WHOLE BUNCH of aggravating customers I do NOT love and I'd like to poke them with my finger and say "HEY, WAKE UP, IDIOT!"

"Laughter is the best medicine" -- According to the computer, Percocet is the best medicine.

"A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down" -- Unless you can't swallow like a lot of the over-indulged brats in my pharmacy neighborhood. In that case, you need the liquid version of the medication.

"Don't push your luck" -- Just because you filled a fake Oxy 30 with us before doesn't mean we're going to fall for it again!

"If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all" = If you're a pharmacist, the only luck you know about is sometimes pouring out a perfect "30" on the counting tray or getting TWO bites of a sandwich before being called away from your lunch. Other than that, luck is limited.

"Diamonds are a girl's best friends" -- Only if they're in the
shape of Viagra!

"We are known by the company we keep" or by the company we work for. Uh oh.

"A friend in need is a friend indeed" especially if that friend is in need of a Vicodin.

"Curiosity killed the cat" -- Pay no attention to the completely illogical thinking of your corporate muckety-mucks. They know all... you are but a peon in the vast scheme of things. No, there's no logic to reduced tech hours when the company has vast reserves of money for other projects. YOU DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING!

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" -- And the faster you fill their script, the more beautiful you appear to them!

"Beauty is only skin-deep" but order that expensive face cream for me anyway, Pharm boy... I'll pay CASH!

"One bad apple spoils the barrel" -- and one bad patient can set your mood for the whole day. Don't take it out on other patients.

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away" -- Unless you have Medicare... then the doc will be happy to see you EVERY day...

"There's no such thing as a free lunch" -- In retail pharmacy, there's no such thing as a lunch, period.

"Footloose and fancy free" -- It's kind of like the motto for Medicaid now that I think about it...

"Free as a bird" -- See above...

"If you love something set it free" -- which explains why I'm still at Goofmart Pharmacy.

"... and that's the way the cookie crumbles" -- the explanation why it's two minutes until closing and a mom with a sick baby comes up to the window with an Rx for the baby and she looks at you with those puppy dog eyes and then you hear a little sneeze or cough from the baby and before you know it you're leaving 30 minutes late...


Unknown said...

Careful, crazy man. Many of us old school rphs are still in our early 50's. We know how to use social media because our kids taught us. And we also know that ampicillin absorbs best on an empty stomach. Otherwise, keep up the good work! Love reading your blogs. ��

Anonymous said...

Yea I love PharmD's. Work with 80 of them every day. If I walked into a retail pharmacy with a prescription for anything other than Viagra and saw half of them behind the counter I would just turn around and walk out.

They have great "head knowledge" but most of them can't interpret a prescription to save their own lives.